A Look Back and a Look Ahead

On Saturday we went to the Newcomer's Halloween Bash. Chloe wore her costume and I had to dress up since I am on the Board. I pulled out a robe and crown I wore in class when I taught U.S. History (yes, I was one of THOSE crazy teachers who dress up and teach class). Chloe had fun seeing her pals and dancing to the melodic tunes of the performer who is a big hit year after year.

After the party, we went to pick up my SUV from the detail center. When we came back from camping this past Monday, there was wet road paint and we unknowingly drove through it. It was all over the driver's side of the Navigator-and I am not talking about little yellow specks of paint, it was thick and coated on the running boards, wheel wells and doors. The car looked like a school bus on the driver's side. The detail center did a fantastic job and only charged us for a regular detail. I wish I would have taken a photo of the Navigator before but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Now, I wish I had.

When we returned home Saturday, we discovered that the garage door opener was fried and we were going to need to replace it. Plus, our garage door is rotting and warped and needs replacing as well. One phone call had the garage door company at our house 2 hours later for measurements and an estimate. Our new door and opener should be installed within the month. Fingers crossed that we don't have to replace anything else on our house for a while!

Matt's friend Bryan came in town Sunday. He is staying with us. Chloe hasn't seen Bryan since Easter, but she warmed to him quickly!

I co-op tomorrow at Chloe's pre-school and I am glad that I will be there. We get a weekly newsletter (which I was suckered volunteered to type) and I froze as I read the curriculum for Chloe's class: "During the next couple weeks, the 3’s will focus on families. We will discuss how we are alike and different. We will be making family trees and preparing for our Thanksgiving feast."

Why should this family tree project bother me? Hmmm, well, I think it concerns most parents who have adopted children. It just never occurred to me that I would have to face this concern this early and it has honestly caught me off-guard. I expected this lame assignment to pop-up in elementary, but not pre-school.

I just don't get WHY the family tree is still taught/discussed in school. Too me it's inappropriate for the classroom. Is Chloe's pre-school teacher going to shed light on understanding all the people in Chloe's family? How can she? She doesn't even know who is in Chloe's family! Chloe is just starting to grasp that BeBe is MY mom and PaPaw is MY father. This whole assignment is just a lesson that should be left to parents. They understand their child's family tree better than the teacher--and as a former teacher, I will happily admit that. Really, are parents of children going to let this family tree lesson slip by that they have to throw it into the school curriculum? "Oh, gosh, we just never got around to teaching Chloe that she calls Aunt Deanna "aunt" because she is MY sister!" It's dumb.

But, that's just my former teacher-self talking. The one who insists that all curriculum be relevant. As an adoptive parent, the concern that will have me speaking to the teacher tomorrow is the line "we will discuss how we are alike and different". I am probably over-reacting here. In fact, I am fairly certain that I am, but this is my child we are talking about, so I think I'm a little entitled. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for teaching tolerance and respect of differences. I know my family is "different" in the sense that Chloe is adopted and she is of Chinese heritage and her parents are not. Most people can take one look at us as a family and get that. I said most people, because Chloe can not. She hasn't come to the realization that she looks different from Mommy & Daddy and what it means that she was born in China and that she has a birthfamily in China. It's certainly not that this has been hidden from her, it hasn't. It's discussed and out in the open, but we are allowing Chloe to discover and question this at her own pace. I know the questions and the understanding of why she doesn't look like us are just around the corner. But, Chloe doesn't comprehend it, yet. I guess this is why I am so worked up. I just don't want her teacher using her as an example of being different from her parents or the other children because she is adopted.

So, before class begins tomorrow I will take the pre-emptive strike and let the teacher know that in no way, shape or form shall she use Chloe being adopted or looking different from her parents as a discussion point that she brings up. If Chloe wants to bring this up fine. But she as the teacher is NOT to point it out to the other kids.

Chloe's adoption story is hers to share. She knows she is adopted from China, she knows lived in an orphanage with her sisters from Qujiang, she knows she was a little baby when she met us and that she wouldn't look at us and tried to do a back-flip out of my arms when her nanny handed her to me. She knows Daddy was born in England and Mommy was born in the U.S. She knows she was in her birthmother's tummy and not my tummy. She can tell you all this and as a 3-year old, this is pretty much the extent of her understanding. So, I guess I just want to set the teacher straight that if Chloe wants to share great, but if the teacher feels compelled to add her two-cents, then she better shut her pie hole and just keep it to herself (I may have to re-word that for tomorrow). Kids are so impressionable at this age (and at any age for that matter) and to have someone who the kids look up to be ill-informed and add their opinion as if it were fact could be detrimental to my child's self-esteem and the way the other childen view her. So, the teacher better put a cork in it.

Of course, I will say this nicely and share with her some resources on what adoption experts say about this assignment. I will also share this with the director and then I will keep it filed away for elementary school.

Am I over-reacting? Probably. But, I guess this is just my wake up call as to what lay ahead. I thought I was prepared for all of this, but perhaps I'm not as ready as I thought.

10/30/07 update: So I did over-react. I spoke with Chloe's pre-school teacher about my concerns and she told me that the "family differences" would be about how each family celebrates Thanksgiving (glad she is not an English or a writing teacher because that's not clear in the statement). She also told me that if they were to discuss adoption that she would let me know beforehand.