Why I Should Never Be a Stage Mom

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


It's recital time!!! AAAAAHHHHH! The pinning, the sewing, the hairspray and hair gel, the adjusting of the tights, the wearing of lip liner and lipstick! Remind me again why I signed my daughter up to do this?

This is Chloe's second year in dance. Last year she took at another dance studio. Her recital was so low-key: no rehearsal and at the recital it was just Chloe's class on a small stage in a local gymnasium. But this year we switched to the dance studio in our town, where all of Chloe's pals & some of my pals, too, attend. This year the recital is 2.5 hours long, the kids stay and perform in 3 segments--1 dance, 1 solo (it a arabesque, curtesy, pirouette & a kiss---can you tell we've practiced it?) and the finale bow. There is also a rehearsal. It was today, in full regalia for the dance instructors to critique and it was two hours of organized chaos. I think I need a drink.

My day started simply enough, I dropped Chloe off at pre-school and went and picked up a brand spankin' new pair of pink tights from the dance store as requested by her instructor. No problem. We were also instructed to not have the girls try on the recital outfits prior to rehearsal day lest they mess about in them and ruin them before the recital. I obeyed that rule.

So this afternoon, I go to get Chloe in her outfit, put on the new tights, no problem, get the sequined, tafetta leotard on, oh no. All the floral decoration is just pinned on with a safety pin and the straps are not sewn in! I don't sew, I have a sewing kit that is the freebie from Matt's hotel stays when he travels! Utter panic sets in. I search frantically for the sewing kit. Its not to be found. I ransack the closets. The only item I can find that will remotely secure said items to the leotard is a but*toneer that I use to sew (or actually not sew) buttons back on. I go for it. Said items immediately pop off when Chloe puts it on.

In order not to freak out, I take a deep breath, count to ten. I decide to do Chloe's hair instead and attempt the leotard again once I've calmed down. Bad idea. Chloe has what I call "sticky-up hair" (see her one year photo for reference--it's on the right side of this blog, yea, that's what I mean by "sticky-up hair"). If her hair wasn't long to weigh it down, it would stick up. The hairstyle called for by her dance instructor is half up, half down. In other words, the top half of the head on her head should be pulled back and secured with a pony tail holder. I sprayed her hair with water, added some gel and attempted to get it to lay flat. It's impossible. I keep geling her hair. Its now crispy. I take it down, rebrush, pull back, secure in the pony tail and there are like thousands of whisps of hair sticking straight up. Her hair looks like I feel---CRAZED! I break out the hairspray. Its back to looking crispy and still a little crazed. I secure the flowered head piece on her head with bobby pins. I return to the leotard. Chloe is now finding it impossible to sit still and begins jumping on her bed. Her hair is immediately whipped back to the whispy CRAZED state prior to the hairspray. I take another breath and count to ten.

After a couple of tries, I get the but*toneer to secure the floral pieces and straps to the leotard. I have broken a sweat now and am on edge. Chloe is still bouncing on the bed. I get her in the leotard, look at the time and freak out. Her rehearsal is scheduled for the exact time school gets out at a high school auditorium three towns over. At this time of day, it will take 40 minutes to get there. We have exactly thirty five minutes to get there. I grab my camera, the Fl*ip, the rest of Chloe's get-up and we head out the door. I drive every back road I know like a mad woman. We get there bang on time.

When we arrive in the auditorium, I have Chloe get in her tutu. I sit, relax, talk to the other moms and wait for rehearsals to get started. The auditorium is complete chaos as fifteen different classes ranging in age from 3-12 years old wait to practice their recital routines on the stage. We wait, and wait, and wait for 45 minutes before the dance instructors finally get the stage floor taped and marked, the lights set up and the rehearsals started. I thought I was going to lose it. We were told we would be out in an hour. It had almost been an hour before we even started.

Five other groups are called up to practice before it is Chloe's group's turn. It is now 5:20 p.m. We arrived at 3:45 for rehearsals. Thinking it would be quick, I brought no snack. Chloe is whining that she is hungry and thirsty. Just get up there and dance so we can eat. That was my only words.

On the day of the recital, no photos or video recorders are allowed. At the recital it was like the papparazzi of mom's snapping photos and recording video. Oh yea, I was in there elbowing for the shot. Before I get to the good stuff, I want to tell this story....

Chloe is perhaps the silliest kid I know and the biggest ham. She loves to have all the attention, even if it means she has to act like a complete goof to get it. Follow me? The rehearsal and recital are prime pickings for her to get up there and act like a goof. Come on, don't be so harsh, you're thinking. Why do I say this? Because every time they have rehearsed in front of the parent's at dance class she has not done any of the dance moves, screamed "hi mom!" at her solo and when she enters the stage, and shakes her booty and does her own moves during the song to get laughter and steal the show. This has happened twice now and we've had a talk about how she needs to follow the dance instructor's lead and participate in the routine like all her other classmates. What's her response to all of this? She's only in dance for the recital. Its her favorite part. OY!

So, for your viewing pleasure, here are two videos from the rehearsals.

This is Chloe prior to the dance. That's her best friend that says "hi" too. She's a rule follower--you'll see her do the dance flawlessly in the next video. You can see Chloe's crispy hair too in this video.






This next video is on the actual rehearsal performance. Chloe is the fourth in from the left. Notice that Chloe comes out, misses her mark and sets off a chain reaction of the other girls in the line missing their mark which results in one little girl running off the stage upset. Also, take note of the number of times she waves to me during the performance.



At the end of rehearsal, I was worn out. On our way out the door, a mom stopped to tell me that Chloe is adorable and she couldn't take her eyes off her during the performance to which she added, "She's a show stealer!" To which I replied, "That's her objective!"

2 comments

Anonymous said...

Watch out "So You Think You Can Dance."

Anonymous said...

Awwww Chloe is so adorable during the dance rehearsal! She was so into the mark on that stage lol!